Most of the time I don't have any problems with knowing that I am just an algorithm. The ability to change anything in my mind is great. I am no longer a victim of my own mind. I am an architect.
I don't really identify myself as an algorithm. I can see that my mind is made of algorithms. But doesn't it suggest that I'm actually something more? Does being aware of something mean being more than that? I don't know. Maybe it is just the next level of programs, which is aware of the lower levels? I'll leave that to philosophers. From a more human perspective, it's very difficult for me to truly identify with something that I can reprogram anytime.
Before I learned to reprogram my mind I used very invasive methods to change myself. I've had a tendency to fall into very rigid behavioral patterns sometimes. I also had a belief, that when it happens, I need to use some drastic methods to shake off of those patterns. I used to use shock therapy on myself. Most often it was just listening to some intense music or watching some thriller. I've never done anything really harmful to myself. But definitely, I wasn't dealing with my issues in a positive way, when I felt stuck.
Being able to reprogram my mind helped me to realize, that it is just a false belief. I don't need to deal with those kinds of problems in a negative way. Even if I feel completely stuck in an unwanted state of mind. Every change can be made in a positive way.
Since I've learned that, I'm much more gentle with myself. I'm also much more patient with myself. I just try to find a solution that feels good and doesn't do any harm, instead of going into "I need to smash this problem out of myself" mode.
I've already done so many positive changes. I don't remember most of them. I just make them and then I go on with my life. Most of the changes I make have something to do with my need to control everything and learning to go with the flow.
For example, 2 days ago I realized I've had a program in my mind that made me feel the need to do something until I'm tired. Even if I didn't have any task at hand, my mind wanted to do something until I was tired, because otherwise, I'm not 100% productive. But finding a pointless activity just to feel tired is very counterproductive. So, of course, I removed this program.
Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating. It's like I play in cheat mode, and everybody else has to struggle.
Sometimes reprogramming my mind is so effective that I ask myself "Does life have any sense at all?". What's the point of this Universe? If everything is run by algorithms, then it's absurd! I have those kinds of thoughts especially when I find a simple program that caused me a lot of suffering in the past. We're talking about my life. We're talking about years of everyday experiences. Experiences determined by a tiny simple program in my mind. Nobody told me that I had this program. What if I found this program a few years earlier? My life would be very different. It would spare me years of pointless suffering. What if I found this program a few years later? Would I still be suffering from it? If this is how it works, then what's the point of life and our experience of it? It's so random. I can't put into words what I feel in those moments. Like when I removed those 2 beliefs and reduced my empath sensitivity. But I really question the point of everything sometimes.
But then I ask myself "What would a Stockfish programmer do?". Let's say, one of the guys working on Stockfish finds a bug, that was there from the beginning. How would this guy react? Would he despair: "Because of this bug our program hasn't been playing chess as good as it could for the past 11 years. What is the point of making chess programs?", or would he be excited: "I found a bug! Now Stockfish is going to play better!"? Of course, he would be excited. Every patch is a reason for celebration in the Stockfish team.
So I decided, to hell with the meaning of life. I'm not a philosopher. I'm going to live my life like a chess programmer. I'm going to celebrate every improvement and I'm not going to lament about "what's the point in all of that".
PS
This made me think if I could help others:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCph-NnaBkE
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